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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425630">come and save me from it</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/demifool/pseuds/demifool'>demifool</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Steven Universe (Cartoon)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>F/M, Family, Finale spoilers, Flashbacks, Homeworld (mentioned), Hurt/Comfort, PTSD, Panic Attacks, Post-Episode: s06e20 The Future, Steven Universe Future Finale Spoilers, Trauma, White Diamond (mentioned) - Freeform</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-01</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 10:07:27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,818</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23425630</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/demifool/pseuds/demifool</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Steven tossed his bag onto the bed while he reached for the lightswitch, flicking on the lights. He sighed, eyes closed, ready to flop onto the bed and fall asleep, before he opened his eyes and looked around.</p><p>The bedsheets were a light blue. The floor was hardwood, with a grey rug. But none of that was the problem.</p><p>The walls were grey. A kind of mid-grey, one that reminded him too much of--</p><p>---</p><p>When Steven's faced with a panic attack on the road, he remembers that his family is always only a few phone calls away.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Connie Maheswaran/Steven Universe, Crystal Gems &amp; Steven Universe, Greg Universe &amp; Steven Universe, Lion &amp; Steven Universe</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>24</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>221</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Steven Universe Completed Recommended Reads</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>come and save me from it</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i worked on this mostly between 1-4 am over like, three days so if the quality isn't great that's why<br/>it's in the tags but tw for steven having a panic attack. thats like. the entire plot of this fic.<br/>title's from the song sedated by hozier (though i found it in this fic title generator: http://www.generatorland.com/usergenerator.aspx?id=22501)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Steven read the numbers on the doors as he walked down the hallway.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“175… 177… 179… 181. Alright.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He pulled out the keycard he’d been given, sliding it into the reader and waiting a second for the light to turn green before pulling the card out and opening the door.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It wasn’t much, but it was better than a few places he’d stayed. A single bed, a TV, and there was an indoor pool. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven tossed his bag onto the bed while he reached for the lightswitch, flicking on the lights. He sighed, eyes closed, ready to flop onto the bed and fall asleep, before he opened his eyes and looked around.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The bedsheets were a light blue. The floor was hardwood, with a grey rug. But none of that was the problem.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The walls were grey. A kind of mid-grey, one that reminded him too much of--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He found himself backing up against the door. A power like an electric current rushed through his body, and he didn’t need to look in a mirror or down at his hands to know he was glowing pink again. Something that hadn’t happened in months. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He tried to take a deep breath, but it caught in his throat. His eyes flicked around the room, desperately trying to avoid the color of the walls, but he couldn’t ignore it. He shut his eyes against it, but all it led to was a flashback:</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Being held between White’s fingers, seeing her reaching toward his gem, pulling it out of his body, feeling like he was torn in half--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He was hyperventilating, his face was swelling and </span>
  <em>
    <span>fuck</span>
  </em>
  <span>, it </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt</span>
  </em>
  <span>, and he couldn’t </span>
  <em>
    <span>breathe.</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The Gems. He needed to call the Gems.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He reached into his pocket for his phone, pulling it out only for it to fall on the floor. He tossed himself down to grab it, using the touch ID to open it. Holding down on the home button, he got the voice recognition to open.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Call Pearl. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Call Pearl--</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Calling Pearl.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven picked the phone up, sitting up against the door, curling in on himself. He held his phone out as it rang. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Pick up, pick up, </span>
  <em>
    <span>please</span>
  </em>
  <span> pick up--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>The phone made a kind of beep noise as Pearl picked up.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven! How are y--</span>
  </em>
  <span>” She stopped mid-sentence, Steven being able to open his eyes enough to look at Pearl staring at him through the phone, and in the upper left corner, his phone showed what she was seeing: Steven curled up against the door, glowing pink, his cheek swollen, his pupils diamonds. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“</span><em><span>Yo, is that Steven?</span></em><span>”</span> <span>he heard Amethyst ask on the other end, watching her hop onto the counter behind Pearl. “</span><em><span>Hey, bro...oh.</span></em><span>” He could see the concern in her face, too. “</span><em><span>You… doing alright there, bud?</span></em><span>”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven took a stuttered deep breath. “N-no-- no. I-- I just got to my hotel room, a-and--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He couldn’t breathe enough to speak. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Pearl said, worry coating her voice, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Deep breaths. Take your time. Deep breaths.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Yeah, your therapist taught you breathing exercises, right?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Amethyst asked.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven nodded, trying to suck in a few deep breaths. He managed to get two shallow ones, and one deep one, before the exhale got stuck in his throat and he burst out sobbing. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Through his tears, he could see Garnet step into the view of the camera, though he couldn’t quite register what she said to the other two.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” she said. Her voice wasn’t worried, and he couldn’t see clearly enough to tell what was showing in her face. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>What’s wrong?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A simple question with an answer that’s still difficult. He’s gotten better at asking for help, but as he tries to catch his breath and find the words, he realizes how stupid it sounds. He says it anyways. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I-I-- just got to the hotel, and-- the, the walls. They’re-- they’re grey, and they’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>that</span>
  </em>
  <span> grey, they’re-- White’s head.” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Flashbacks hit again. Torn in half, weaker than he’d ever felt, </span>
  <em>
    <span>she’s gone</span>
  </em>
  <span> resonating, the only part of that that made him feel better was knowing he wasn’t his mom and would never be her again. But still it was so </span>
  <em>
    <span>loud</span>
  </em>
  <span> and his gem half </span>
  <em>
    <span>hurt people</span>
  </em>
  <span> and--</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hurt people. He wanted to hurt White.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Oh, God.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He felt his body shifting to his more Diamond-esque form, taller than his normal one, the form that came out when he thought about things like this.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven? Steven, can you hear me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven blinked, focusing back on his phone. Garnet had taken it from Pearl. Amethyst was on the phone behind her, and he couldn’t see Pearl.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Where are you right now, Steven?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He managed to get enough breath in to tell Garnet the name and address of the hotel, and what room he was staying in. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Can you talk to me right now?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I--I just-- my, my Gem half, before we were together again, it-- it hurt people. And then-- then I wanted to hurt White again and-- sometimes I still do! But I don’t! I can’t make it stop, and I just-- I’m a--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“</span><em><span>Yo. Steve-O. Don’t finish that sentence,</span></em><span>” Amethyst interrupted.</span> <span>“</span><em><span>You are </span></em><span>not</span><em><span> a monster, dude. You’re allowed to be angry! And-- there’s a word for thoughts you don’t like, right? The bad ones? Whatever they’re called, they’re not your fault, and if you’re not acting on them you don’t have to beat yourself up over it. That’s not gonna fix it, man!</span></em><span>”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven was silent for a second. “Right. Right. I’m sorry.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You don’t have to be sorry, either, Steven,</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Garnet said. </span>
</p><p> </p><p><span>“</span><em><span>I called Connie,</span></em><span>” he heard Pearl say.</span> <span>“</span><em><span>She’ll pick up Greg on Lion and meet us there. Is Steven doing any better?</span></em><span>”</span></p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What? You-- you guys really don’t need to--”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven, we want to be there. There’s a warp not too far away, and Connie has Lion right now.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“...Alright. If-- if you want to.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Connie’s going to call you so we can warp over, so we’re going to hang up, alright?</span>
  </em>
  <span>” Pearl said.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven nodded, sniffling a bit. The first wave of tears had passed, but he knew there was more to come. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>We’ll be there soon.</span>
  </em>
  <span>” “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Be safe, man!</span>
  </em>
  <span>” “</span>
  <em>
    <span>We care about you!</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With that, the Gems hung up, leaving Steven staring at his screen, waiting for Connie to call. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Sure enough, she was calling a few seconds later, a picture of her from before he left Beach City popping up with the text “Connie wants to videochat” and answer and decline buttons. He hit the answer button, and Connie’s face popped up on his screen. She was riding on the back of Lion, and her surroundings showed that she was in one of Lion’s portals at the time. (Peridot still couldn’t figure out why phone calls worked in Lion’s portals, but not the warp pads.)</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven! You talked to the Gems, right?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven nodded. “Yeah. Yeah, they’re coming over, and they said you were too.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I’m picking up your dad, too.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Oh.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>He’s gonna get dragged into this, it’s Gem stuff, what if I get too angry, what if I hurt him--</span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>--ven? Hey, Steven, can you focus on my voice?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven snapped back, focusing back on Connie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Can you talk to me?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I… I just, I </span>
  <em>
    <span>know</span>
  </em>
  <span> Dad wants to be there for me now, and that I’m not going to hurt him, but I just, it’s Gem stuff, and I don’t want to explode while he’s here and hurt him.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>You aren’t gonna hurt him, Steven.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“But what if I do!” Steven took a sharp inhale as the left side of his face swelled. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Steven. Deep breaths.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven nodded, clenching his hands into fists as he fought to take in a deep breath. One at a time. Inhale, hold, exhale. Inhale, hold, exhale.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He hadn’t noticed that Connie had muted herself until she was unmuted.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>Hey, Stu-ball.</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven refocused on the screen, seeing his dad behind Connie.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“</span>
  <em>
    <span>I know you’re not feeling great right now, but we’re gonna be there for you in just a minute, alright, bud? What do you need right now?</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It was a common question from his dad, when he was there for Steven’s breakdowns. “What do you need?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Right now, Steven knew.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I just-- I just need you guys. And I need to get out of this room.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright, Stu-ball.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>This time, Steven got to look up from his phone. Lion was standing on the other side of the room, and Connie and his dad were climbing off of his back. Steven pulled himself to his feet, running over to them, wrapping his arms around them just as they caught him. Lion nuzzled his face where it fell between Connie and his dad’s shoulders, licking it. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He found himself falling back to his knees, sobbing again, as his arms moved from around Connie and Greg to covering his gem-- a desperate need for it to feel protected. They helped him sit down, Lion laying down behind them so that Steven could hide his face in his mane, like he did one day sitting on top of the hand of the Cluster, while Connie and Greg kept their hands gently placed on his back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looked up when he heard a knock on the door. Connie removed her hand. He was still pink, but the swelling had stopped, his size had gone back down. He watched her open the door, the Gems standing on the other side. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>His entire family in one room. Here for him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He started sobbing again. Connie returned to his side, Garnet, Amethyst, and Pearl following after her. A ring of safety. He leaned away from Lion, the Gems catching him, everyone holding him as he cried, the pink finally fading away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It took him a while to fully calm down. He kept his eyes on the floor as Connie held his hand and carefully guided him out of the room to checkout, and then to his car. The staff was nice enough to not comment on the two people they hadn’t seen enter and the giant pink lion.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Connie led him to the passenger seat instead of the driver’s seat. Greg sat in back, and when the Gems realized that there wasn’t enough room for all three of them, Amethyst opted to shapeshift small enough to sit in the cupholder.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>When Connie asked for his keys, Steven pulled his lanyard out of his pocket and handed it to her. When he realized he hadn’t grabbed his bag, Greg held it up from the back seat. Pearl said something about finding a hotel a few miles away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Steven wrapped his arms around himself, leaning against the window as they drove away, Lion following behind. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Wherever you go, we will visit to talk, to listen, to be there. </span>
  </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Thanks,” Steven said, “for coming here for me, you guys. I love you.”</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>woo!! that good family comfort shit!!! love it!!!!<br/>if u can figure out why i chose 181 as the room number u get. uh. well i dont rlly have anything to offer but u get to feel smart and like u made a cool theory that turned out to be true<br/>anyways follow my su tumblr @gemi-fool, i also have a writing blog @connauthor and my main is @demi-fool if that interests u guys at all lmao<br/>hope u enjoyed!! kudos, bookmark, comment, share, whatever u wanna do. thank u for reading!!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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